[ finn feels something in him sharpen. the kind of harrowing, razor-thin fear that's gentled out and allowed itself to be buried the longer he's been out of the first order.
those first few days, those first couple of times he almost lost rey, those were the worst of it. constant. overwhelming.
the foundation never went away, but he learned how many other things existed that could temper it.
out of that initial fear grew anger, determination. out of every new connection grew all the gentlest things. the love. the hope. the belief. something so much a part of him that he breathes it in, something that he was finally allowed to be and to have once he was free without worrying that the first order would scrape it out of him and start fresh.
it's almost impressive how quickly her words cut through all those things that temper. how easy it is. ]
You're here because you were always supposed to be here. You were supposed to make it back. You're not slipping away into anything. [ that, he believes. that's something that he can feel. ] And anything that wants to say different has to get through me first.
[ and if he had to reach into the cracks in the universe with his bare hands to pull out all the parts that said rey, he simply would. if he had to trade out for her, fine.
that's not how the force works? says who? finn will beat the force up behind a denny's. ]
[ it could be how the force works. rey traded one percent of her soul to a sandsnake with a bad attitude. even shitty kylo ren traded what was left of his own — less than a tenth of a percent, if she had to guess, just enough for the energizer bunny in her to wake up. if anyone should be able to negotiate with the force for the purposes of goodness, it should be finn.
finn, who chooses to be good. finn, who chooses to be a friend, who makes the decision every day to carry on even when it's hard. he made the sacrifice she's not sure even she would be strong enough to make, and he does it every day. she knows, deep in her soul, that he is every bit as deserving of the force — if not more than herself.
she knows she's going to teach him, too. now that they have the time. ]
You're a good friend, Finn. [ a better one than she thinks she deserves, some days. his hands squeeze her own, tight and reassuring, and when she exhales, she thinks of the way she'd seen han and leia together, the way they'd held each other's hands so tightly, the words they'd said. ] I love you.
[ is it romantic? she doesn't know. maybe it doesn't have to be. if rey is capable of love, she feels it for finn, the end. ]
[ a rock could register the semi-startled swell of emotion that stems from that. finn's never been the most stoic person to begin with, but it's fair to say that in the immediate end-of-war-deciding-battle, he's probably been particularly prone to having Moments. this is no exception.
it means a lot, coming from rey, in whatever way any of them mean it. these aren't the kinds of things she's ever said easily. ]
I love you, too.
[ because he does. because it's one of those things he knows.
one day he'll wake up and he'll have been finn longer than he was ever fn-2187.
he loves rey. he loves poe. he loves a lot. there's always more space for it. he's allowed to have space for it. and he's better for it.
rey loves him. he's adding it to the list Officially. ]
We're still in this together. That hasn't changed just because we blew up a Sith fleet.
[ finn, carrying his entire found family in his arms: get ready to be fucking supported for the rest of your lives. ]
[ they all love each other. it's what lets things work as well as they do. she could never want to strangle someone quite as much as she occasionally wants to strangle poe dameron if she didn't love him at least a little bit.
but it's different with finn. she can't quantify how it's different, she just knows that it is. which is why her head drops to rest on his shoulder now, her body shifting to allow her to relax a little more against him, and why she's comfortable in the quiet for a while before she speaks again. ]
You think we're ever going to have a day where everything isn't so much?
[ finn thinks about it for a little while himself, because that kind of time's been a luxury they don't all get to run into often. he's not sure he remembers how long it's been since he felt like there wasn't a rush-- to strategize, to regroup, fire back, answer a question, finish a meal, anything.
it's less thinking that he really does than it is feeling. the callouses on rey's hand. her weight pressed against him. the room to breathe. room to think. ]
We will. [ it's certain. because they're here. because they all love each other. because he knows as well now as he knew last month that if they're together, they can manage to get through anything.
because there's a vibration in his bones that doesn't come with words, just echoes outward into something that matches it, and he doesn't think that means he's wrong, so.
everything's on their side, if you think about it. ]
[ was it? she supposes it must be, even if it's just a little bit. she feels the crushing weight of the galaxy just one tiny bit less today than she has in days prior. she can breathe just that much more easily. ]
Yeah. [ finn is much better at this sort of thing than rey ever has been. emotional support is not her forte. ] Yeah, you're right. A little less.
[ maybe that's all that matters. a step in the right direction, rather than a leap. ]
[ finn's not sure about her commitment to sparkle motion. but that's alright. it takes time, which they have. it took him time.
the two of them had to hit the ground running when they got into all this. a lot of pressure, a lot of things chasing them. they've always been pretty different brands of pressure. rey's are a lot more isolated and conceptual and mystical, fate of the universe stuff. the kind of stuff he's only just been starting to get a feel for.
he's had more of the luxury of getting to settle into himself, he thinks. even the middle of a war gave him more room for freedom than he used to think he deserved. more room to breathe.
maybe it's rey's turn to breathe now, what with the death of the sith and all. no one's done working by a long shot, but death is around way fewer corners for them. ]
You'll have me even when it's not. Anytime you need someone. [ is that too much on main? it's probably too much on main. but he does everything emotional too much and on main, and he's missed her, and he doesn't mind reaching as far out as she needs as long as he can feel that she still wants to reach back. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
freed from the clutches of tfln (TROS SPOILERS)
[ finn feels something in him sharpen. the kind of harrowing, razor-thin fear that's gentled out and allowed itself to be buried the longer he's been out of the first order.
those first few days, those first couple of times he almost lost rey, those were the worst of it. constant. overwhelming.
the foundation never went away, but he learned how many other things existed that could temper it.
out of that initial fear grew anger, determination. out of every new connection grew all the gentlest things. the love. the hope. the belief. something so much a part of him that he breathes it in, something that he was finally allowed to be and to have once he was free without worrying that the first order would scrape it out of him and start fresh.
it's almost impressive how quickly her words cut through all those things that temper. how easy it is. ]
You're here because you were always supposed to be here. You were supposed to make it back. You're not slipping away into anything. [ that, he believes. that's something that he can feel. ] And anything that wants to say different has to get through me first.
[ and if he had to reach into the cracks in the universe with his bare hands to pull out all the parts that said rey, he simply would. if he had to trade out for her, fine.
that's not how the force works? says who? finn will beat the force up behind a denny's. ]
no subject
finn, who chooses to be good. finn, who chooses to be a friend, who makes the decision every day to carry on even when it's hard. he made the sacrifice she's not sure even she would be strong enough to make, and he does it every day. she knows, deep in her soul, that he is every bit as deserving of the force — if not more than herself.
she knows she's going to teach him, too. now that they have the time. ]
You're a good friend, Finn. [ a better one than she thinks she deserves, some days. his hands squeeze her own, tight and reassuring, and when she exhales, she thinks of the way she'd seen han and leia together, the way they'd held each other's hands so tightly, the words they'd said. ] I love you.
[ is it romantic? she doesn't know. maybe it doesn't have to be. if rey is capable of love, she feels it for finn, the end. ]
no subject
it means a lot, coming from rey, in whatever way any of them mean it. these aren't the kinds of things she's ever said easily. ]
I love you, too.
[ because he does. because it's one of those things he knows.
one day he'll wake up and he'll have been finn longer than he was ever fn-2187.
he loves rey. he loves poe. he loves a lot. there's always more space for it. he's allowed to have space for it. and he's better for it.
rey loves him. he's adding it to the list Officially. ]
We're still in this together. That hasn't changed just because we blew up a Sith fleet.
[ finn, carrying his entire found family in his arms: get ready to be fucking supported for the rest of your lives. ]
no subject
but it's different with finn. she can't quantify how it's different, she just knows that it is. which is why her head drops to rest on his shoulder now, her body shifting to allow her to relax a little more against him, and why she's comfortable in the quiet for a while before she speaks again. ]
You think we're ever going to have a day where everything isn't so much?
no subject
it's less thinking that he really does than it is feeling. the callouses on rey's hand. her weight pressed against him. the room to breathe. room to think. ]
We will. [ it's certain. because they're here. because they all love each other. because he knows as well now as he knew last month that if they're together, they can manage to get through anything.
because there's a vibration in his bones that doesn't come with words, just echoes outward into something that matches it, and he doesn't think that means he's wrong, so.
everything's on their side, if you think about it. ]
Today was less than yesterday, right?
no subject
Yeah. [ finn is much better at this sort of thing than rey ever has been. emotional support is not her forte. ] Yeah, you're right. A little less.
[ maybe that's all that matters. a step in the right direction, rather than a leap. ]
no subject
the two of them had to hit the ground running when they got into all this. a lot of pressure, a lot of things chasing them. they've always been pretty different brands of pressure. rey's are a lot more isolated and conceptual and mystical, fate of the universe stuff. the kind of stuff he's only just been starting to get a feel for.
he's had more of the luxury of getting to settle into himself, he thinks. even the middle of a war gave him more room for freedom than he used to think he deserved. more room to breathe.
maybe it's rey's turn to breathe now, what with the death of the sith and all. no one's done working by a long shot, but death is around way fewer corners for them. ]
You'll have me even when it's not. Anytime you need someone. [ is that too much on main? it's probably too much on main. but he does everything emotional too much and on main, and he's missed her, and he doesn't mind reaching as far out as she needs as long as he can feel that she still wants to reach back. ]