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[ jyn snorts a soft little chuckle, rolling her head to look at him. there's more goodness in finn's little finger than she can contain in her entire body, but it's tempered by reality and his past so she is pretty sure he is going to be the one to make it out of the new rebellion alive and well.
a rebellious butterfly. ]
Now you can blame me if you foul it up.
[ her fingers drum against her crystal before she lets her hand drop into her lap. saw would say that finn already had too much hope, but that is where jyn learned to disagree with him. rebellions may have needed one good, solid tragedy to make martyrs out of them all, to make it impossible to look away, but they were built on hope.
she doesn't trust the force as much as her mother wanted her to, as much as chirrut wanted her to she supposes, but she trusts it enough, an arm's length sort of trust. she trusts that finn will be okay and that's enough for her. ]
a rebellious butterfly. ]
Now you can blame me if you foul it up.
[ her fingers drum against her crystal before she lets her hand drop into her lap. saw would say that finn already had too much hope, but that is where jyn learned to disagree with him. rebellions may have needed one good, solid tragedy to make martyrs out of them all, to make it impossible to look away, but they were built on hope.
she doesn't trust the force as much as her mother wanted her to, as much as chirrut wanted her to she supposes, but she trusts it enough, an arm's length sort of trust. she trusts that finn will be okay and that's enough for her. ]
[ Poe laughs quietly, then winces, because he's bruised to hell and laughing kinda hurts.
He eases out of the hug, feeling better now that Finn doesn't seem to think he went haring off to go toe to toe with Kylo Ren alone. Again. By accident or otherwise. ]
So. About that vacation part.
He eases out of the hug, feeling better now that Finn doesn't seem to think he went haring off to go toe to toe with Kylo Ren alone. Again. By accident or otherwise. ]
So. About that vacation part.
[ And now, as Poe's penance for the thing that he didn't plan to do and that Finn is already moving on from because they've communicated like grownups (one more reason to want to PVP Kylo Ren and dismantle the First Order is a drop in the ocean anyway). Finn can steal a piece of bacon to restore balance, obviously.
It may be less about penance and more about wanting to eat the bacon. ]
So it is a vacation.
[ Wonders never cease in the Quarantine. ]
It may be less about penance and more about wanting to eat the bacon. ]
So it is a vacation.
[ Wonders never cease in the Quarantine. ]
[ Pfff. ]
All right. Don't think I wouldn't.
[ Because as we all know, this is totally what happens and exactly what Finn will do.
It's not. But I thought about this meme and I couldn't not make it. ]
But you'd have to take some credit if I don't foul it up. You know. For balance.
All right. Don't think I wouldn't.
[ Because as we all know, this is totally what happens and exactly what Finn will do.
It's not. But I thought about this meme and I couldn't not make it. ]
But you'd have to take some credit if I don't foul it up. You know. For balance.
Idealism? From me? No one would believe it. [ she reaches over to pat his knee and it's notable if only because aside from sparring, which is purpose driven and necessary, it's the first time jyn erso has initiated touching him.
she might not shake finn off anymore, but she certainly isn't the one reaching out to grab his hand. regardless, something about the conversation seems to have settled her in some way and she offers finn a smile that seems to say "good luck, pal". there, there. don't set yourself up for failure like that. ]
You're welcome to try.
she might not shake finn off anymore, but she certainly isn't the one reaching out to grab his hand. regardless, something about the conversation seems to have settled her in some way and she offers finn a smile that seems to say "good luck, pal". there, there. don't set yourself up for failure like that. ]
You're welcome to try.
Hey!
[ Poe isn't actually fussed. He'll just turn the stove back up and add more bacon to the pan. ]
It's... yeah. Yeah it is. John asked me if I wanted to go, and I... wanted to go.
[ COUGH. He's gonna just poke that fascinating bacon with his fork. ] I'd invite you but I think--I don't think--that's not really--it's not that kind of vacation. I think.
[ Poe isn't actually fussed. He'll just turn the stove back up and add more bacon to the pan. ]
It's... yeah. Yeah it is. John asked me if I wanted to go, and I... wanted to go.
[ COUGH. He's gonna just poke that fascinating bacon with his fork. ] I'd invite you but I think--I don't think--that's not really--it's not that kind of vacation. I think.
Okay. Have... fun? [ I'd like to say Finn isn't listening to this and watching Poe with a certain level of sharp strategic fascination. That would be a lie. He's narrowing the full scope of his focus onto this onset of nerves.
(Of course, this is still Finn, who, when Jyn shows up next month or w/e the timeline is and says "Cassian kissed me," will be extremely surprised because he just kind of thought they were rolling at an acceptable level ride-or-die platonic association and loyalty, so. How much good is it actually doing him.)
His first instinct is to say something similar to "you know it would be okay to not invite me even if it was, right," but he feels like that's not exactly the branch this is supposed to be taking. And Poe would already know better than to invite him to anything out of obligation.
Finn decides to kind of YOLO this, in favor of getting a faster understanding of whether or not he needs to go back to being concerned. Surely if this were more bad news of some kind, he would've narrowed down possibilities already. He's great at bad news. ]
I'm pretty sure that if that's all you were trying to tell me, you'd have had an easier time telling me.
(Of course, this is still Finn, who, when Jyn shows up next month or w/e the timeline is and says "Cassian kissed me," will be extremely surprised because he just kind of thought they were rolling at an acceptable level ride-or-die platonic association and loyalty, so. How much good is it actually doing him.)
His first instinct is to say something similar to "you know it would be okay to not invite me even if it was, right," but he feels like that's not exactly the branch this is supposed to be taking. And Poe would already know better than to invite him to anything out of obligation.
Finn decides to kind of YOLO this, in favor of getting a faster understanding of whether or not he needs to go back to being concerned. Surely if this were more bad news of some kind, he would've narrowed down possibilities already. He's great at bad news. ]
I'm pretty sure that if that's all you were trying to tell me, you'd have had an easier time telling me.
[ WOW FINN DON'T CALL HIM OUT LIKE THIS. Poe misses poking the bacon this time and scrapes the bottom of the pan with his fork instead, the feeling and sound of it making his teeth hurt.
The worst part is that Finn is right. He would have an easier time telling him that if it were all he was trying to say. He doesn't even know what he is trying to say. He and John are so--what? New, tentative, undefined. But when John looks at him, Poe feels seen in a way that he only ever has with Leia and his dad and Finn himself.
How the fuck does he say that? ]
We're probably going to have sex. More sex. We've been having sex. That's--we've been doing that.
The worst part is that Finn is right. He would have an easier time telling him that if it were all he was trying to say. He doesn't even know what he is trying to say. He and John are so--what? New, tentative, undefined. But when John looks at him, Poe feels seen in a way that he only ever has with Leia and his dad and Finn himself.
How the fuck does he say that? ]
We're probably going to have sex. More sex. We've been having sex. That's--we've been doing that.
Edited 2018-03-26 04:07 (UTC)
[ It is... incredible... how much more sense the hesitation makes, suddenly. On the one hand, he appreciates the straightforwardness. It's always easier to get these things out of the way. That's what he was gunning for. On the other hand, it's good that Finn wasn't drinking anything, because that would have been a spittake waiting to happen.
He's not an inductee. He knows this is a thing that happens out in the world. People meet, people have sex. But he still just kinda sits there with his piece of bacon halfway to his mouth for a second, because it wasn't a series of words he actually expected to hear today.
Finn lets the ol' processor work on it. The fact that this is a situation that's happening. And has been happening. And will be happening. ]
He's not an inductee. He knows this is a thing that happens out in the world. People meet, people have sex. But he still just kinda sits there with his piece of bacon halfway to his mouth for a second, because it wasn't a series of words he actually expected to hear today.
Finn lets the ol' processor work on it. The fact that this is a situation that's happening. And has been happening. And will be happening. ]
[ Cool. Cool cool cool. Time to pretend he knows what it's like to be a casual person with chill who knows how to talk about normal things. ]
Right.
[ Right. Right. ]
You-- you could've just called it shore leave. [ CLEARS HIS THROAT??? GESTURES VAGUELY WITH HIS BACON? ] I know what shore leave means.
Right.
[ Right. Right. ]
You-- you could've just called it shore leave. [ CLEARS HIS THROAT??? GESTURES VAGUELY WITH HIS BACON? ] I know what shore leave means.
[ Settled is good. Even a little. The pat is arguably better than good. There are tons of people he doesn't touch who don't touch him in this city, obviously. He's got a habit of reaching for people, though, mostly because he can.
The first time he reflexively reached for Jyn and didn't get shaken off was pretty much a huge personal victory, because Jyn and Cassian don't Do a lot of touch.
Finn looks surprised for a couple of seconds, and then his face becomes a fierce battleground between two warring factions: blatant affection and a teeny bit of pride, because he's bad at controlling his face when there are good things afoot. Jyn Erso showed up to talk to him about something terrifying and confusing at three in the morning, swore him to secrecy, and then patted him on the knee. On purpose.
Finn thinks she might just trust him a little. And for once, he's weirdly not stricken with the immediate dread that it's because she thinks he's something he's not and it can't possibly hold up. ]
Let me guess. It doesn't count if Poe believes it.
The first time he reflexively reached for Jyn and didn't get shaken off was pretty much a huge personal victory, because Jyn and Cassian don't Do a lot of touch.
Finn looks surprised for a couple of seconds, and then his face becomes a fierce battleground between two warring factions: blatant affection and a teeny bit of pride, because he's bad at controlling his face when there are good things afoot. Jyn Erso showed up to talk to him about something terrifying and confusing at three in the morning, swore him to secrecy, and then patted him on the knee. On purpose.
Finn thinks she might just trust him a little. And for once, he's weirdly not stricken with the immediate dread that it's because she thinks he's something he's not and it can't possibly hold up. ]
Let me guess. It doesn't count if Poe believes it.
Of course it doesn't. [ so blithe. so blasé. she won't give poe an inch because she knows she'll let him take a mile because he reminds her of a certain rebel of her own.
the tiny smile stay on her expression like a ghost. jyn isn't used to smiling, especially on purpose, but it's strange how someone who is just as disastrous as she and cassian are can still have faith in her ability to not fuck up this objectively Good Thing. she feels
ugh, she feels hopeful. ]
I should get back. I told him I wouldn't be more than an hour and I know he read my note when I left.
[ because she didn't speak to him, she just ran away like a panicky child and hoped he would stay half asleep until she closed the door. it's baby steps, alright. ]
the tiny smile stay on her expression like a ghost. jyn isn't used to smiling, especially on purpose, but it's strange how someone who is just as disastrous as she and cassian are can still have faith in her ability to not fuck up this objectively Good Thing. she feels
ugh, she feels hopeful. ]
I should get back. I told him I wouldn't be more than an hour and I know he read my note when I left.
[ because she didn't speak to him, she just ran away like a panicky child and hoped he would stay half asleep until she closed the door. it's baby steps, alright. ]
[ Of course it doesn't.
He tries not to judge too hard for her note tactic. Historically he and Rey and Poe made a longstanding habit of pretending to be asleep even though they knew none of them were actually asleep... back in the day. Sometimes you think "this is dumb, we could at least be talking" and then you lay there until six in the morning anyway. Still though. That's clearly not actually telling him the thing. It's leaving a note about the thing.
Finn gets back to his feet. ]
Did you at least leave it where he could reach it?
[ Write a note, stick it to the fridge. Cassian has to get up and walk all the way to the kitchen to read it because he's extremely observant and heard that she stuck it on the fridge. It's weirdly easy to picture. ]
He tries not to judge too hard for her note tactic. Historically he and Rey and Poe made a longstanding habit of pretending to be asleep even though they knew none of them were actually asleep... back in the day. Sometimes you think "this is dumb, we could at least be talking" and then you lay there until six in the morning anyway. Still though. That's clearly not actually telling him the thing. It's leaving a note about the thing.
Finn gets back to his feet. ]
Did you at least leave it where he could reach it?
[ Write a note, stick it to the fridge. Cassian has to get up and walk all the way to the kitchen to read it because he's extremely observant and heard that she stuck it on the fridge. It's weirdly easy to picture. ]
[ BB-8 rolls in from the other room, chirping cheerfully about John and Poe knocking over all the stuff in the cupboard two weeks ago, and Poe makes a strangled shush noise before remembering that Finn cannot actually understand what BB-8 is saying.
Thank the Force for small favors.
He forks bacon onto the serving plate, very dedicated to that particular task. ]
Yeah. Well. Shore leave, then. We're taking shore leave. [ And then Poe is giving Finn a curious look because... Has he ever taken shore leave?? Is that a thing Stormtroopers are allowed to do, presumably with each other?
Stormtroopers having sex. There's a thought Poe never, ever thought he would consider. (Stormtroopers being people was never really on his radar before Finn. Stormtroopers being changeable, savable people.) He squinches up his face, trying to figure out how to ask-- ]
So are you a virgin?
[ Or words could just happen like they do. ]
Thank the Force for small favors.
He forks bacon onto the serving plate, very dedicated to that particular task. ]
Yeah. Well. Shore leave, then. We're taking shore leave. [ And then Poe is giving Finn a curious look because... Has he ever taken shore leave?? Is that a thing Stormtroopers are allowed to do, presumably with each other?
Stormtroopers having sex. There's a thought Poe never, ever thought he would consider. (Stormtroopers being people was never really on his radar before Finn. Stormtroopers being changeable, savable people.) He squinches up his face, trying to figure out how to ask-- ]
So are you a virgin?
[ Or words could just happen like they do. ]
[ One day he's gonna bust binary wide open and get all the gossip he could ever want. But then he'd also have to live knowing it. He's adaptable though. He's adapted to bigger and more terrifying things than Poe and John taking shore leave together. It's gonna be okay.
Finn narrows his eyes like he's half-convinced that's supposed to be a trick question somehow. Like he's trying to solve the puzzle of why Poe is like this as a person, just in general. He pulls a face. Does that thing that isn't quite a shrug, as much as it is a hands spread, is this relevant somehow gesture. ]
Yeah? [ He already knows Poe's not, so at least the basics are out of the way on both sides? Now that they've been living together for like three months. Give him two seconds to make these puzzle pieces Fit and board the realization train. He literally just said he knows what shore leave is. Duh. The topic's on the table. ]
It's not-- officers get to take shore leave. Planetside and everything. Troops might get some downtime between details day-to-day, a couple of hours. Depends on what's happening. But I mean, that's. [ Okay you know what, he's putting the bacon down so he can gesture better, and sighing through his nose.
He's aware that Poe wasn't raised in the whole First Order... atmosphere, and that sometimes the things Finn understands as givens don't necessarily translate. He's very glad that Poe doesn't understand some of these things as givens. He'd be a lot less Poe if he did, and Poe being Poe is a good thing.
But it's sort of like if someone from the Quarantine walked up and asked "hey, so what's a Wookie?" You never think it's something you'll have to genuinely explain. It's just... a Wookie. There are just ways that things work. Stormtrooper sex politics have always been one of those things. ]
Okay, uh. So officially, downtime is for approved literature and vids, staying in the barracks, extra training. [ Card games. Solo runs, as it were, a feat at least marginally easier to manage. Which he's absolutely not going to talk about because he has limits and they're very clear limits. ] Unofficially, I guess-- if you find someone who's interested, and you've both got free time at the same time, and you figure out how to get privacy in the middle of the First Order... then you could make something happen. In theory. It's not like they don't teach us how these things work.
[ He waves his hand again. Like it helps him with this at all. Maybe as if to say "I would literally rather fly into another cannon than go over First Order sex ed details with you on this or any day, preemptively." Or maybe as if to say "stealing babies is their whole gig, yes. unapproved ones from clueless soldiers fumbling around aren't the ideal." ]
Never heard about anyone managing it. But it runs a little close to "personal loyalties" on paper when you're in the same cadre or anything, so. Not like they'd be bragging.
[ Because the person you made look bad in training the other day would probably report you just to get commended for their attentiveness and loyalty. Anyway this would be easier with a powerpoint presentation. ]
Finn narrows his eyes like he's half-convinced that's supposed to be a trick question somehow. Like he's trying to solve the puzzle of why Poe is like this as a person, just in general. He pulls a face. Does that thing that isn't quite a shrug, as much as it is a hands spread, is this relevant somehow gesture. ]
Yeah? [ He already knows Poe's not, so at least the basics are out of the way on both sides? Now that they've been living together for like three months. Give him two seconds to make these puzzle pieces Fit and board the realization train. He literally just said he knows what shore leave is. Duh. The topic's on the table. ]
It's not-- officers get to take shore leave. Planetside and everything. Troops might get some downtime between details day-to-day, a couple of hours. Depends on what's happening. But I mean, that's. [ Okay you know what, he's putting the bacon down so he can gesture better, and sighing through his nose.
He's aware that Poe wasn't raised in the whole First Order... atmosphere, and that sometimes the things Finn understands as givens don't necessarily translate. He's very glad that Poe doesn't understand some of these things as givens. He'd be a lot less Poe if he did, and Poe being Poe is a good thing.
But it's sort of like if someone from the Quarantine walked up and asked "hey, so what's a Wookie?" You never think it's something you'll have to genuinely explain. It's just... a Wookie. There are just ways that things work. Stormtrooper sex politics have always been one of those things. ]
Okay, uh. So officially, downtime is for approved literature and vids, staying in the barracks, extra training. [ Card games. Solo runs, as it were, a feat at least marginally easier to manage. Which he's absolutely not going to talk about because he has limits and they're very clear limits. ] Unofficially, I guess-- if you find someone who's interested, and you've both got free time at the same time, and you figure out how to get privacy in the middle of the First Order... then you could make something happen. In theory. It's not like they don't teach us how these things work.
[ He waves his hand again. Like it helps him with this at all. Maybe as if to say "I would literally rather fly into another cannon than go over First Order sex ed details with you on this or any day, preemptively." Or maybe as if to say "stealing babies is their whole gig, yes. unapproved ones from clueless soldiers fumbling around aren't the ideal." ]
Never heard about anyone managing it. But it runs a little close to "personal loyalties" on paper when you're in the same cadre or anything, so. Not like they'd be bragging.
[ Because the person you made look bad in training the other day would probably report you just to get commended for their attentiveness and loyalty. Anyway this would be easier with a powerpoint presentation. ]
Of course. I left it in my spot on the bed.
[ she's not a monster.
shoving herself to her feet, jyn finds her chest doesn't feel as tight anymore. the lingering discomfort is still there but it's not so all-encompassing. turns out talking about your problems actually helps???
disgusting. ]
Thanks, Finn.
[ she's not a monster.
shoving herself to her feet, jyn finds her chest doesn't feel as tight anymore. the lingering discomfort is still there but it's not so all-encompassing. turns out talking about your problems actually helps???
disgusting. ]
Thanks, Finn.
[ New fact: they sleep in the same bed. This is useless knowledge at current. But it's good that she was a sympathetic and reasonable person about note-leaving. Jyn is a good. She should be proud of herself. ]
Anytime. I think you figured that out already. [ Given the circumstances. He nods. ] Thank you, too. For listening.
[ Like honestly though. Sounded fake but... talking is okay.
Now go ask Cassian if he wants to kiss at four in the morning. ]
Anytime. I think you figured that out already. [ Given the circumstances. He nods. ] Thank you, too. For listening.
[ Like honestly though. Sounded fake but... talking is okay.
Now go ask Cassian if he wants to kiss at four in the morning. ]
[ MAYBE A LITTLE DISCONCERTING YES. He can't believe Poe is dead for a minute and a half, in the corner of his mind always prepared to assume the Worst. ]
Oh.
[ He wasn't expecting that. Not just in terms of "something stupid," but sort of in general. Finn has about zero gauge on romance, but things seemed pretty chill on that front as far as he was able to tell? They did the whole. Shore leave thing.
He felt the warm fuzzies for himself at some point, he has to assume it was a little more than just shore leave. ]
Do you need me to hit him for anything? No questions asked.
[ It's the first thing he can come up with in the moment. He thinks it's supportive.
If Poe thinks it was stupid to break things off, though... hm. ]
Oh.
[ He wasn't expecting that. Not just in terms of "something stupid," but sort of in general. Finn has about zero gauge on romance, but things seemed pretty chill on that front as far as he was able to tell? They did the whole. Shore leave thing.
He felt the warm fuzzies for himself at some point, he has to assume it was a little more than just shore leave. ]
Do you need me to hit him for anything? No questions asked.
[ It's the first thing he can come up with in the moment. He thinks it's supportive.
If Poe thinks it was stupid to break things off, though... hm. ]
[ Poe pokes absently at the bacon as Finn speaks, watching his friend's face instead of what he's cooking.
It all sounds kinda shit, actually, which isn't surprising, because it's the First Order. Of course anything that encourages personal loyalties or, y'know, fun of any kind would be Against Regulations.
The bacon is burning. Poe hisses and stabs at it, trying to fork it (heh) out of the pan and onto the waiting plate and managing to scorch himself with hot grease in the process. ]
That's. Awful. It's awful, is the word.
It all sounds kinda shit, actually, which isn't surprising, because it's the First Order. Of course anything that encourages personal loyalties or, y'know, fun of any kind would be Against Regulations.
The bacon is burning. Poe hisses and stabs at it, trying to fork it (heh) out of the pan and onto the waiting plate and managing to scorch himself with hot grease in the process. ]
That's. Awful. It's awful, is the word.
Not sure how gentle would work out with John when I don't usually do it. But I get what you mean. I'll keep it in mind.
[ finn, gently: hey buddy how you feeling? anything you need?
john, aiming his pistol: i won't rest until i rescue the real finn from wherever you've taken him, you sick bastard.
Anyway, he doesn't dignify "hit me, maybe" with a response at all. Flounders for a second, though. Gentle is still a whole Thing. What if he literally just parrots the gentlest advice that Poe ever gave him, 2k18. ]
Be kind to yourself, right? If I have to, you have to.
[ finn, gently: hey buddy how you feeling? anything you need?
john, aiming his pistol: i won't rest until i rescue the real finn from wherever you've taken him, you sick bastard.
Anyway, he doesn't dignify "hit me, maybe" with a response at all. Flounders for a second, though. Gentle is still a whole Thing. What if he literally just parrots the gentlest advice that Poe ever gave him, 2k18. ]
Be kind to yourself, right? If I have to, you have to.
Edited (html murdered me) 2018-04-06 00:40 (UTC)
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