bythehand | BANGR/IC CONTACT

[ poe on the beach, having a meltdown: I WILL NEVER TELL HIM ANYTHING THAT HAPPENED ON HATHAWAY I WILL CARRY THESE SECRETS TO MY GRAVE
rey texting him in the middle of the night: if you don't stop being a little bitch and tell him what happened i will kill you in your sleep
poe: FINEEEEEEEEEEEEE

and that's the story of how poe found himself sitting there in a common area around breakfast time the day after the murder/fireworks show, carefully eating a muffin he's praying isn't poisoned and delicately trying to compose a message to finn that is casual yet coveys urgency. ]

what are you doing

[ nailed it. it was almost "u up." ]

[ finn, whose username is finn and there's no point pretending otherwise, hits this "u up" text back pretty damn fast. i can't relate because irl when people text me it's a miracle i bother picking up my phone to read it, let alone answer within a day. ]

There's not exactly much to be doing.

[ he's gone from a life of constantly having defined shit to do or chaos to somehow survive to "socialize, fuck, or watch weird alien tv" in one fell swoop. and he's still working up to stamping the v-card. maybe once he's handled that he'll open his options up and start gunning it or something, but as of rn it's been like a day and finn is slowly dying already. what is he supposed to do???? is he supposed to relax??? he can't do that. and they won't do a search and rescue for that ship they blew up yet so like....... shrug emoji. ]

What's up?

[ he hasn't forgotten the search party that hasn't happened. he bothered r.o.s.i.e. about it the night before and she was like "yes i'm sure we'll look for survivors in the morning!" WHERE IS THE SEARCH PARTY, ROSIE??? WHERE ARE THEY?

so, you know, his own petty personal issues are a great distraction. ]

i wanted to talk if you had a minute. nothing bad. i just wanted to talk about some stuff. i'm in the common area.

[ poe around people he has no emotional investment in: ;) ;) ;), witty banter, well-timed innuendo
poe around people he actually likes: deep throats his own foot, screams get out of my school, lies on the beach pretending to be a piece of driftwood. ]

[ that's a valid mood and approach. ]

I'll be there soon.

[ you did it poe. you hooked him. he walks into the common room like what up thank god someone i know sent a message before i got around to tracking them down to hang out. he is...... not wearing his boots. ]

Hey. Sorry if I'm underdressed. [ finn you're so close to your joke per month quota already please stop. whatever the lamest hand waving gesture would be in this moment, it's being made. ] Sand.

[ he hates sand so much. it's hard to run in. every time he's in it something gets blown up. the beach lured him in by being beautiful. so if the people in charge have a problem with no shoes protocol in the living quarters, they'll have to fight him tbh. ]

[ he manages to laugh at the joke like a normal person and not like a person trying too hard, so that's some progress on his part. he's probably not wearing his boots either honestly. who on fuckin sex island is going to call him out for not wearing shoes after a beach party? no one. meet him in the pit. ]

Don't worry about it.

[ he smiles like aw yeah this is normal. a normal conversation. they're doing so well.

time to ruin it!!! ]

I wanted to talk to you about some stuff that happened with Hathaway. Where me and Rey were before. [ and you. and kylo ren. the whole family. ] With you. I should have said something last night, but ... I dunno. It was a lot. It's a lot. But if I don't tell you now, it's just gonna be worse if it comes up later. You know what I mean?

[ when you have to bodily resist the urge to ask your bro yet again if he's okay. it's finn's best impulse control in days but at what cost. ]

Yeah, actually. [ see uhhhh. "i'm not resistance i'm a stormtrooper" and "oh my god you're really just stealing an escape pod and running away". it turns out honesty is the best policy most of the time. wild.

finn pulls up a seat. the hathaway stuff is still the weirdest part of this entire experience, and that's saying something. maybe he'll come out of this understanding more about it?? maybe it will provide material for staving off the existential crisis. ]

Take your time.

[ he takes a breath. okay. this is. gonna be fine. (spyder should be here. where is his emotional support droid when he needs it the most?) ]

So. Um. Most of the time we were there, we were in a relationship. You and me. [ exhale. ] I don't want you to feel like -- we rushed into it. [ poe and finn??? rushing into things????? sounds fake. ] And it kind of ... we had a fight. Sort of. Me and Rey had a fight and you were there. But after that, you left. And I don't know if it was because they just made you transfer and it was bad timing or if it was because of me. [ what if he throws up right now. ]

[ you know what. he's glad he sat down. congratulations to him on his good call.

finn takes the appropriate amount of time to absorb this info. it's not exactly sponge-to-water easy to absorb. sort of like cheap paper towels level. he gets there.

we're not gonna pretend he hasn't at some point even considered the poe thing as a Possibility. he's free, emotionally thirsty, and he only knows three people. he hasn't planned out all of his weddings to them but i mean, it was a nice thing to get to think about for once. so nothing about this sounds like. impossible. probably especially not the rushing in part.

just unexpected.

poe might be trying to get some closure or something. finn guesses he'd do the same thing, if the situations were reversed. maybe. it's weird to think about. it's all weird to think about, because this other finn is him but he's not... him. he's like a whole other person. other stuff happened to him.

he could think about how this directly means at some point poe had a clear and present interest instead??? sounds fake?? not sure how a person navigates that. finn's not dealing with any of these trains of thought. he's walking home.

things make more sense and less sense now, not just about how poe was acting but how rey was acting, too. ]

I mean, it would have to be one hell of a fight, Poe.

[ his tone says something along the lines of "you would literally have to murder rey or vice-versa".

he just can't wrap his mind around the idea of leaving behind not only a... relationship he guesses, but rey and poe both, simultaneously. least of all in some other galaxy cut off from home? one that sounds like it was sometimes really dangerous.

the whole concept disagrees with him. maybe it's the lack of time talking. his full yeet instinct. he doesn't know. he only knows the version of himself that he actually is.

trying to peace out on the resistance was one thing. he character developed away from that. ]

[ he snorts. that is his initial reaction. because whew, he got that off his chest and finn wasn't like "cool story bro but in this timeline i think you're garbage, die." in what scenario would that be his reaction?? POE DOESN'T KNOW but he sure has spent a couple weeks dwelling on the hypothetical reasons finn packed his lil suitcase and said you'll never see this face again.

he even gave him a nice lead to his Thrawn Story. the one he didn't get to tell that's just been sitting in his diary for that same amount of weeks. ]

It was. Not because ... it was just loud. Rey was on something, like the dinner last night. Except it made her angry.

[ he lets that information sit there for a second before fumbling right along into ]

You know the different timelines thing? How we're both here but you're ... my future, I guess? There was an Imperial solider in Hathaway with us. I worked really closely with him. We didn't really have any other choice. We never talked about home, just life stuff. And I don't think he was that bad. I don't think he was all good, but I think he could have been better if things had been different.

[ i'm crying what a day that would be. "must have been because of you and for a reason i trust myself fuck u".

regardless of everything, deets vol. 2 is still better than having poe look at him like, "so hux was there and you know what he's actually very sympathetic i think he could have been an okay dude in another life" or "hung out with phasma, not as awful as i thought it would be" or something. it's easier to separate imperial officer out from the first order. the first order is like that. yeah we use the empire's aesthetic and motives and strategies and weapons and goals but we're Totally Not Them We're Better Guys. ]

And she was mad. [ okay. okay, he thinks he's following this better than part 1. ] Did something happen, or...?

[ ? should he assess this part as a whole thing or should he reserve judgement for the third part of a trilogy. was rey mad about it already or was the 'on something' a huge factor. because all that could probably make a big difference.

oh wait note to self whoever drugged rey should be hung by their thumbs. he hopes whoever did it got hung by the thumbs.

poe: so here are the deets
finn, immediately: i lied i don't get it hold on ]

Way after he first showed up, Rey was freaking out about him. She thought he wanted to change the timeline so that the Empire won. And she wanted information to use against him.

[ it's at this point that 20/20 hindsight hits him like a blaster straight through his head. thrawn said that rey and kylo ren would use the information against him. not rey.

rey

and

kylo ren.

he found out. he found out what poe found out several weeks later and then was in denial about for several weeks more. he didn't see it at first, but now he does. thrawn figured out their dl relationship. or … whatever it was. that's why rey was so intense about taking him down. about having information to use against him. not because he wanted to change the timeline. it was because thrawn had dirt on her (and kylo bag of dicks ren.)

damn.

that doesn't change the telling of the story, but it does color his perception of it in retrospect. ]

So I told her something. I told her something he told me in confidence. But then I felt bad about it. It didn't feel right. So I told him I told her. [ he exhales a little sigh thinking of that series of events. that sure was a good way to make everyone hate him. memories. ]

He told me never to talk to him again, so it's not — it wasn't like that. Rey figured out I went back to him, and she was furious. Even more furious than normal, 'cause of the thing. This was when everything happened. She got mad at me for trying to protect him. She was yelling at me about taking his side, being manipulated by him, all this stuff. Force threw me, there was a lightsaber ... You were there for that. Other you.

[ his mouth slants sideways thinking about it. he still doesn't think he was wrong about thrawn and he'll meet anyone in the pit who tries to fight him on it. even rey. back on down into the pit. ]

But it wasn't like that. I wasn't taking anybody's side. I wanted to do what was right to me. Sure wasn't making friends either way doing it. But sometimes you have to make choices like that, where's it's not anybody's side, you know? It's just you.

[ oh. damn. he's seeing the shitshow part of the shitshow now, yeah. donna noble has put down her popcorn.

finn doesn't try to interrupt. there are probably a few moments where he looks like he might but he commits to getting the full package. in a non porny way. he takes his time.

so poe "one trust" dameron works with this soldier. thinks okay he's not like GOOD, he's imperial, but he's not awful. gets to know him. rey "pragmatist jedi in training" lastname is thinking galactic security and leverage. poe breaks the trust cheeto code trying to help her out, but that's moral tarpit stuff and he's not into it. tells the guy he broke the cheeto. doesn't get a new one. rey finds out he told the guy, and she's roiding out and hulk smashes him.

the other finn is there?? presumably trying to prevent murders? that's kind of where he would be leaning.

and then you know, he guesses he disappears to another team because of a transfer or something. super close on the tail of that. without a word. finn can't figure why he'd do that on purpose still, so he's leaning toward unplanned and not his choice probably. that's his guess. he sees why it was a whole Thing now.

it's a big thing of communicating and not communicating and things breaking bad. no wonder they've been so weird redux. it seems like poe and rey maybe have it worked out? between themselves? unsure.

this is the complex morality tlj tried to accomplish. but uhhhhh hoo boy alright one thing at a time. at least one of these things he can relate to and address. finn leans forward enough to put his elbows on his knees. like a very dignified man, he clasps his hands and sorta looks down at his bootless feet for all of two seconds.

vulnerability is something not to be taken lightly. it means a lot to poe to explain all this, and his reasoning. finn respects that. ]

You know, I didn't exactly leave the First Order because I wanted to be a rebel. [ honesty for honesty. he sort of tried to explain that to poe pre-re-jacketing. he remembers. hell, maybe other finn got into it while they were hanging in hathaway. no way of knowing. ] No war. No side. I just didn't wanna kill people for them. That's all I had in mind.

[ tfa and tlj were the real mvps on that one thanks guys. he loves his new anime resolve. anyway he kinda gets it. is what he means. im doing this on mobile like an animal while my laptop updates im out of good words. ]

And I don't know if you noticed, but I was a stormtrooper when we met, so. Pretty sure this isn't gonna run me out of town.

[ if poe hadn't had one trust for him then, they'd be dead. he can't get mad that poe is a nice dude. he can't get mad that rey was thinking leverage over murder. all sounds kosher???? he's seen the end of the movie they all spent fucking up, he's gotta think about Tomorrow. ]

[ yeah other finn's big mood was "WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING STOP TRYING TO KILL EVERYONE REY" with a side of listening to rey and "WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT" because poe was too busy being hulk smashed to create a cohesive narrative. so yeah, he was not feeling Loved and Supported on that particular day.

and then finn left. he and rey made up because they were sad and lonely and ~all they had was each other~ after finn left and … kylo ren broke up with her that day. a different day. that issue was resolved.

but then there was finn. he didn't believe he was wrong, wouldn't, but he still didn't want to lose finn in the process. there was just a lot of conflict there inside him. a big knotted fucked up ball of conflict. that he carried around for multiple weeks. and was determined to keep carrying, because if he didn't have to talk about it, he didn't have to receive confirmation that he was right and that he had yeeted straight into a dealbreaker.

he breathes. just takes a second breathing there. breathing because he said it, he got to say it without rey screaming bloody murder at him, and everything is still somehow fine.

he almost even sort of smiles, because finn is right. he'd had that thought himself. he trusted finn when he didn't really have a reason to, and he'd been right about finn. he could see the goodness in people, and he didn't tend to be wrong.

and now, when finn is explaining that he didn't leave the first order to be a rebel, he understands. maybe he kind of always knew it. he immediately called finn out on him not helping him because it was The Right Thing to Do. maybe he just wanted to believe that of finn anyway. and he wanted finn to feel like he belonged with the resistance, that he was part of something. believing he was on board with The Ideals made that easier.

if he didn't get it before, he gets it now. people aren't usually drawn in by the Ideals of one side versus the other. it's the little things. leia meant more to him than the resistance did. holdo told him to clean a bedpan if he wanted to serve a princess and he mutinied in the name of Preserving Her Vision, so. he knew that much about himself. that was his base need.

finn wanted to run. that was his. and that was what it was. no judgment. ]

I know. Or — it makes sense, anyway. I get it.

[ he looks up and manages a small smile. it went from sort of to actual. ]

I never told anyone. It doesn't really matter anymore, I guess. He's not here. But he told me his incentive, the whole reason he was with Hathaway, wasn't about the Empire at all. I think it was about a person. So I still don't think I'm wrong. I don't think stuff like that's that simple anymore, you know? The things we all do. It's not really black and white. It's all small stuff.

Edited (an important distinction) 2018-06-19 11:28 (UTC)

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